so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
