wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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