6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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