i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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