dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
