I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize