meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
