Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
