Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
