theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
3pm strippers are depressing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
