Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
