Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
