I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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