Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
