I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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