i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
