didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Soap is not a condiment
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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