peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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