She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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