What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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