Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize