They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
