Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
zippers are such a cool invention
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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