Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
