Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
