Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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