i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize