ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
