woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
