Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize