i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
