It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is my gift to your gina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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