I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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