we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
