I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
