I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
