I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize