i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize