you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
