he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
