She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
