Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
