Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
