took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
