I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
