How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
