you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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