Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
