So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
