I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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