so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
