Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
