Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
