i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
