Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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