I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
