wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize