Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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