Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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