You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
