Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
