Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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