Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
