I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
