Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
