He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
