i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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