I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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