If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize