Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
