i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
