on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
