If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
