It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
