Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
